title: super best friends with benefits
rated: e
summary: Dan and Phil are best friends, and sometimes they have sex–but it’s just sex. While on tour, they’re both having their fair share of sex with other people. But when Dan breaks his one and done rule for an old friend of Martyn’s they meet along the way and things get serious, Phil starts to realize he wants them to be more than just ‘super best friends’.
excerpt:
Phil sighed. “What do you want?”
“Phone sex, if you’re up for it,” Dan said, like it was nothing at all.
Phil’s stomach flipped, his body immediately starting to buzz. “Are you serious?”
“So you in?”
Tag: r
A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.
Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?
Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.
Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok
Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts
Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes
Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks
A++ addition
Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?
Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great
my wife’s so cute because we both love animals so much but her way is very pure and genuine whereas my family is:
me, holding up my cat: stinky
wife: no!! don’t be mean!!!
me, swaying him back and forth in the air: stinky bastard man
wife: No!!!!!!!!
my mother, not looking up from chopping veggies: naughty boy. brat cat
wife, distraught: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A very, very tender lover. I’m sure. I’m positive.
↳ jeff goldblum talking about loki/grandmaster absolutely and completely unprompted
my Safe Space 